Hey hey, been awhile since I've written one of these hasn't it? Don't worry, I haven't keeled over and died or something like that - though I'm sure some people here would probably be relieved if I kicked the bucket. (Guess it's not their day, huh?) Anyways, what have I been upto as of late? Well let's start with some good news for once. Yeah, yeah I know. Probably going to catch all of you offguard, Kairyn? Good news? Holy shit!
Right, so starting off with the good stuff. Went to an appointment I had at my gender clinic and all that nonsense pretty recently (Have another appointment coming up on my birthday actually) and they wrote up a letter to be sent to the people over at the uni who take care of blood samples and all that junk; need to get bloodwork done and get checked out but if everything is up and up I'll be on HRT pretty quick here. Already taking something as it were mind you, but it's just sort of prep stuff really and the big thing doesn't come until later (Actual HRT).
After that? Honestly assuming all goes well and I get off my lazy butt and actually do things (Haha, well that's a lie. I just like to slack when I'm home, been working a lot lately) I could potentially put this all behind me in about a year and a half's time. Nip the problem in the bud so to speak, which will be nice for once since I won't have to deal with, well... My "physical inadequecies" so to speak. Really the big kicker right now is trying to get money, because while the main things are covered (Even have some coverage from work in fact) it's still going to cost me around 40,000$ all-in-all.
Now, not sure about you but for me that's not exactly pocket change... That's about what I make in 3 years time (Before tax, that is.). So that's sort of been holding me back a bit you know? It's hard to get an all new wardrobe and so many other things that you want to get/want to do/need to prepare for when you can't really afford any of it. And I mean I could get a credit card sure but those things start at 20%, and I'd rather deal with a flat 40,000 than ballooning it out of control to somewhere around 80,000 by the time I pay it all off.
Right, so then... Moving on, here's the part that you ALL love and are accustomed to reading on this blog. The bad stuff. So, as some of you may know I may or may not have been sort of seeing someone (Or at least I thought I was), though I wasn't quite sure if it really was anything. Well, turns out that it wasn't anything whatsoever. The person I had feelings for thought I was joking, being playful... Roleplaying, I don't know. They went along with it and whilst I knew it pretty much unlikely that this person would never have feelings for me I carried on as it were.
Well of course me and my big mouth, I just had to ask if they actually had legitimate feelings for me. They didn't really, not even the slightest pinch of anything romantic involved. Now I'm not sure about you, but when a girl goes out of her way to buy you things, flirts with you and flat-out tells you that she loves you... You probably shouldn't assume she's "roleplaying". So yeah, last Saturday-Sunday night was spent bawling my head off. Serves me right to be honest, I should have stuck with my previous stance of not getting involved with anyone.
Afterwards was pretty neat though since a friend and I sort of spontaneously struck up a conversation and that maybe we should go see eachother and hang out. Not Natsuki mind you (Who's coolbeans and is hanging out with me this weekend, gonna go shopping with him and play vidja. Stoked for that.) but Mr. DrStrangEgo himself may or may not be coming to grace me with his presence. It'll be sort of weird in some ways given how long him and I have been friends and yet have never really seen eachother, but at the same time I mean like. I'm pumped, it's gonna be sick. Even if we don't do anything and stare at walls for the entirety of his stay I'll still enjoy it.
So really I've just been working and nonsense, nothing crazy. Also got back into server administration which I've found quite fun. Place I'm doing it on is more focused on the story-telling/guiding hand type thing rather than actually smacking players across the head so that's cool. I've always enjoyed sort of enhancing the atmosphere in roleplays more than hitting idiot players with a banstick. Work has been good save one co-worker (Who's just a lunatic who can't decide whether they hate/like people... Swear she's on some sort of medication, since her mood swings all over the place and she gets... Loopy.)
Also holy crap, some of the customers that come through the store are just totally... Messed up, like I don't even know how to describe it beyond them just being flat-out stupid. So, I'm working self-checkout, yeah? This older lady messed up on ringing something through so I go over to fix it for her and she literally like flips out, and does the entire dismissive hand-waving thing. "I can do it by myself, I just don't have good eyesight". There's some sort of nonsense going on here because I swear it was like "I am a woman and independant, therefore I dun't need ANEHBODIES HALP" type of scenario, at least that's the vibe I got. Sort of resign myself and just tell her the code on the item so she can put it in *SIGH* walk off and hey hey, guess who fucks up? She made such a big deal about doing it herself and then she just... Fails, again. I swear I could feel her leering at me for the rest of her duration in the store after that.
Anyways, inconsequential nonsense aside nothing too crazy has happened (Well, at least unusual crazy... It's all relative). Things have been going fairly well despite the fact that I'm pretty strapped on cash for the rest of the month. Managed to scrape by and get some mucho important things, but I spent a bit too much on other people this month (110$ were dropped on getting other people games and nonsense). I sort of immediately regretted who I gave the games to though, seeing as one was the guy I spoke of earlier (Two games actually) and then the other is someone who I just know will never play with me
Oh, oh, oh. Lena added me back. Yeah! Lena, I'm sure I complain somewhere in this blog about her and call her a massive bitch or something like that. I have no idea to be honest but it's sort of funny when you have this view on someone because of something they said and it just... Turns out to be flat-out true. Like, you make this big fuss and start drama and sever ties because they say something and then it TOTALLY happens like they described. So yeah, funny perspective shift. Quite a few people honestly called things with Sam from the very start (And really if I had paid attention I could have as well... I mean, alarm bells should have been set off by the fact that Sam was cheating with another person knowingly when I met them).
People who cheat make me giggle now, like it used to get me fairly depressed looking back on it but honestly? If you really look at the people the only real depressing part is the person themselves. I mean yeah it sucks to be cheated on (And I've been cheated on a lot) but I find I can get a good laugh out of it, seeing how some people are willing to resort to that sort of underhandedness. Some real good characters around here. I also thoroughly enjoy the fact that these people who are doing horrible and wrong things also lack the skills to recognize what they're doing. It's like someone running into a brick wall and getting hurt... And then they keep doing it because they don't realize running into a brick wall hurts. It's like trying to add numbers without using an equation, rather than 2+2=4 they get about as far as 2+2 and don't realize it can actually equal something (They can't put 2 and 2 together).
I've become anhedonic as of late (Which is no big surprise given my circumstances) which sort of works out for me since I didn't particularily enjoy e-slutting it up in the first place. Well, you know I enjoyed it but not in any real sense. Raw pleasure can't possibly replace any amount of emotion behind an act, not that I was really in it for much of anything to begin with. Was hung up on Sam and was trying to cope (And really boys and girls, it's common to mess around as a method of coping) and I suppose I just stopped giving a shit. Which is great because it's really not much of anything to give a shit over.
Anyways, it's 3:30AM here and I'm dead tired so this is all the catch-up I'm going to play for now. Started watching Attack on Titan and I have to say I really enjoyed some of the twists in it (Despite the horrible use of still-frame involved in it). Also going to power through Accel World this week before the super kawaii uguuness that is Natsuki shows up on my door.
Peace!
Needs more anime posts, dang it.
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