Regret

Well, where to start this time... Oh, right, the artist. As I'm sure most of you are aware by now the artist's name is Shirogane Usagi. He is 19 years old and lives in Japan. Do you see the picture above? Weird stuff when you come to think of it. Rio initially introduced me to him and I've come to like his work ever since, even to the point of making a Pixiv exclusively for his art. I was so amazed, I downloaded half of them at the first sight. He does great stuff, and I'm sure there's more coming.

I'm sure we're all wondering about the title here, and. I don't know. It's just kind of a lingering feeling of regret I have. Maybe I'll be a little more transparent with other people when it comes to this but it's just kind of a muddled feeling I'm having right now. What is regret anyways? I mean, if you have what you want shouldn't you no longer feel regret? I mean, alright. My life sucks quite a bit but I make due don't I? So why should I regret?

 I just do I suppose. It's a mixture of regret and missing those childish times in the past. I cling dearly to some of those memories and keep them close, there's always a place in my heart for that sort of thing... Maybe that's why I regret. Because I hold these memories so close and dear to me, and know that I can no longer experience these things regardless of what happens. Regret of the human condition? Maybe, I can't really say for sure. There's a lot of things though, I can list a few but it's nowhere near all.

I regret what has happened with my past relationships, how they've turned out. How that's changed things for me. I regret what's happened with my family, how my relationship with all but my sister has been reduced to nonsensical bickering about me having a job or not... I have money, so it's just. Stupid. I hate it. I regret my circumstances, I'd turn them around if I could but I guess everyone feels that way. On top of my circumstances I regret that I've waited so long to start trying to sort things out in my life. I wish I could have done sooner, I'm not going to live forever am I? I'm wasting precious years of life because I decided to wait, and for what? For a bunch of unthinking shits who disowned me. Most of all though, I regret regretting. I wish I didn't get like this but I do. As much as I hated and despised it I sometimes wish I was an emotionless blob again.

I'd like to think I'm a good person but, can a good person really regret so many things? Can a good person have so many transgressions? I don't know... I try to do benevolent things and the right things but there's also times where I spite people so badly. Regardless if they provoked me or not is that really right? I tend to make so many promises and then punish people to such an extreme when it gets out of hand... So I think at the very least some sort of apology is due. I'm sorry. I can't say for what, I can't make some long and drawn out sincere speech where I admit what I did is wrong, I can't list my reasons why I did it or why I was wrong... I can't even tell you what I'm really apologizing for. Just know that I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for making anyone worry by reading this. I guess I'm just being nostalgic or something, I don't know.