Even if that means it isn't of my own doing, or accord.
This must be incredibly bizarre for all you non-readers out there who have wrote my blog off as this destitute thing of vitriol and whininess to see two posts in such proximity when it's not even me complaining about something! Yes, I know. Totally crazy. Today's subject I just wanted to talk about some stuff I've been going through and the implications it has for others as well as myself, seems like a simple enough topic so... -Deep breath- Let's embark on a ranty journey once more, my friends!
Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was expectation - a decidedly simple topic - but this is more about my personal expectation than anything (Big twist there, I know). I've recently been making an incredible amount of headway all of the sudden on my trans-type stuff just sort of out of the blue. I was constantly fretting about things and worried, waiting to progress to a certain point before I moved forward but it seems that some imaginary force has just lifted me up and out of my seat and tossed me into it. Now, this isn't a bad thing and it was honestly just... Refreshing? Good. I mean sure I still got a bit on anxiety, accelerated heartbeat and some dull worry in the back of my mind that barely registered but. It went well, surprisingly so. I had an appointment on the first - which was more or less a how-are-things type of deal - which turned out really well, and finallyfinallyfinally got a letter to change my gender marker on my ID. I'm also currently engrossed in the expensive process of seeking a legal name change (Probably looking at 200$), and then it's off to replace my ID, SIN Card, Healthcare Card, Insurance Card (Yes, I have insurance now!) and some of the other things where I have my oh-so-dumb name on file (Bills, banks, etc).
The latter will be a bit of a pain in the rump to take care of but it's not too, too important or life-stopping if I take awhile to get those things done. Right now my primary focus is to get the name change out of the way so I can knock my passport out of the way and buy my plane tickets. I've already decided to take August 20th to September 10th off (three weeks, because I get extra vacation because I'm cool) so I intend to travel to the Netherlands somewhere between those two dates. I'm really excited for it to be honest, and by the end of next month I'll have saved up all the money already (Can't wait to poke Martin in the face and call him a doodyhead). I guess the main thing I wanted to say here is that things weren't as bad as I made them potentially seem? There are of course some difficulties but those tend to only be with some narrow-minded cuntheads who's opinion I don't give a shit about anyways...! :3 On the second I had an appointment for voice therapy, too which went really really well! It was plenty of fun (even if I stepped on the lady's shoe, oops) and everyone there is so, so nice (and this one girl is just ohmygosh pretty). I'd talk more about it, but part of going involves an NDA so hush hush! That's about all I can say~
Anyways, fam came up today so I spent quite a bit of time out with them, went shopping and out for dinner. Mum was kind enough to pick up a mega-crapload of groceries for me (like I can't even process the amount of stuff in our fridge anymore) because we didn't have much of anything. She's finally making decent money too which is really good for her! Hopefully she can save up some and buy a house and all that fun stuff~ Anyways, I was sort of expecting half-support from her and very much had the feeling for the longest time that my stuff was the "elephant in the room". My mum however is - if anything - stubborn and I think once she gets an idea in her head she just, can't back down? In this case she seemed to have gotten a pretty positive outlook crammed into her head when she came over, and as of next week - with a bit more clotheshopping maybe (you can never have enough clothes) - I'll be completely fulltime in role. Squee. My coworkers that I work with are already completely aware, and save a codgy old bastard of a security guard (<3 you Mike) I don't really see anything ever coming up about it.
Oh! I suppose I should mention that I got glasses too (finally, which reminds me I still need to bill my insurance the costs) and they are totes cute. They're little black and brown plastic frames with a kind of thin square-type design. The optometrist said I can pretty much guess 20/20 as it were, but I still have a marked decrease from what I'm generally used to (I guess I was better than 20/20?) so I wanted them anyhow. I may have a mild astigmatism in my right eye - which I know I do - but aside from that my eyes are perfectly healthy and I shouldn't have much concern about them. Also sometime in this month I need to go and get another bloodtest done to check hormone levels and all that jazz, and then have an appointment with Endo later in the month. My endocrinologist is supersuper nice and just, yeah. I really like her a lot, she's a great lady. Uhm, what else? Oh, uhm I guess that I'm also seeing some decent development because of hormones. I've noticed a definite change in the thickness of my skin and general complexion. I pretty much don't have acne anymore (though this is from a mix of that and being pro-active.), hair on my body has lightened and thinned out whilst hair on my head is coming back in (which means I no longer have a widow's peak, yay~). Also gaining about a pound a month (Which is a good thing) and my figure has definently filled out a bit. At the moment I'm still a Sakuya though (buubuu~) so only an A-cup but give it a few months at the rate things are going and I'll be a B in no time~
So really I just wanted to say that all my fears and worries were completely unrealized, that I've moved on from them and now I'm moving up! Life is good, I have close friends who care about me and a wonderful sweetheart who is just... Precious and just... Wow. I'm not sure if you pay attention to my blog Martin but you're just the sweetest little thing and I am so, so immensely lucky and blessed to have you in my life. I can't wait until it's August, squee! <3 Ooh, and I guess I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to visit Natty and how all that is gonna work. Probably just on one of my weeks off I'll come down for some time. I still need to think of some sort of clever present to them back though for the wonderful time Natty and his mum gave me.
Anyways, things are good! Life is great, family is being awesome, I have a well-paying job with benefits, beautiful friends and just the most wonderful boyfriend I could have ever hoped for.
Until next time!!
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