Family?

Well, this is kind of a followup to my former post. I realized after re-reading it that I made my family sound pretty bad. Sure, they're an odd bunch and they certainly know how to rub me the wrong way but I think I smashed them pretty bad; which was not what I intended in the slightest. So, anyways I suppose I'll throw up an actual how-is person by person.

Let's start with the person I have the least contact with, my oldest sister. She hit university really early and got the hell out of dodge, she's pretty bossy and has some uhhh... Issues. She plans out every second of every day practically and doesn't make any time for anyone. If you want to do something with her you're going to need to take incentive and grab the bull by the horns. She's a city planner and is married at this point and doesn't really keep much contact with family... Really she's a half-sister and she largely identifies with her actual father rather than mine (Who was the one who raised her). It's kind of funny really because of how much of a prude she is and how much of a redneck her actual father is. Anyways, needless to say she's kind of this distant relative who's floating nearby but you never really hear about or see.

Next person I have the least contact with would have to be my second oldest sister. She's uhh, the interesting sort in the family, she has a lot of issues and goes to see a therapist. She's currently taking anti-depressants for severe anxiety and has a child (My really annoying neise), anyways she's a bit ridiculous. She can freak out at a moments notice if she thinks something is going wrong, but she's had a really, really rough life. She's a fun person to hang out with and talk to though, she's pretty eccentric and does a lot of photography and modeling. The few issues I have with her... It's mainly about her exaggerations, you sort of have to expect her to not be telling the truth. She'll tell you one story only to tell you the same story with different events a week later. I've heard the outcome of one story in seven different ways so far.

Next is.. My youngest sister, she's uhhh... Well, she's unhealthy I'd say. She's a nice person (to the right people) but she's way too trendy for her own good. She goes out and parties a lot and has a loser boyfriend who doesn't really care for her, but she does this weird thing where she gives herself to whoever she's dating to the point that it's sickening. She'll let her boyfriends abuse her (to the point of cutting her even) to give a prominent example of just how much she gives, I wasn't joking when I said it's sick... Anyways, she's kind of a princess in a way. She was really, really mean to me for the longest time since I'm the youngest and was 'stealing' her attention apparently. She was really heavy into drugs at one point (Not weed or something, ecstasy, mushrooms...) but I think she's out of that phase now. She smokes cigarettes but if you ask her she'll deny it and say she only smokes cigars. Nice enough, but someone who has a lot of shit to work out.

Then there's my brother, he's a university student and he's pretty well... He's like me in a way, he can be really really blunt about things. Actually, he's almost always blunt. He's got some interesting concepts about relationships (Polyamoury) but he's still a pretty dedicated guy. He can be a major dick about things at times and pretty demanding of people, but he's pretty cool to hang out with. He's really into politics and has a degree in related subjects actually... It's sort of fun debating with him about political outcomes since I'm sort of into that stuff too. He's pretty linear though, he's nice but I think out of anyone in the family he expects the most of me and... I can't handle expectations very well. What if I want to be nothing special, what if I just sort of want to drift and I'm content with that? I mean, I'm cool with not making oodles of cash and just laying low in a modest place with someone I love. As long as I'm able to provide for myself or at the least someone I care about then I don't think it matters too much if I hit up post-secondary. Like I said, he's a good guy but he's quick to challenge people.

Then there's my dad I guess, he's a nice guy but he's a wee bit over the top. He's super conservative yet strangely into all these spiritual principles and such... He does therapy for a lot of people but he doesn't ever apply any of his concepts to himself so he's sort of always been dragging my mom down since he simply doesn't have the income to support what he wants. He's a nice guy and I like talking to him but he can come across pretty strong and doesn't grasp a lot of modern concepts. He's... Horrifically politically uninformed (He thought Russia was still communist until I told him earlier this year!) and I think he's one of the major factors in why it took me six years to come out to my mom about what I did. He's a good guy and I love him a lot but he's getting on in the years and getting stuck in his ways which I personally don't care for. I'm pretty afraid that he's going to disown me fairly soon because of what I said to my mom, but I need to do what makes me happy, yeah?

My mom. She's by far the person I'm the closest and most connected to. I might spend a lot more time with my brother but my mom and I just sort of have this thing where we can generally come to mutual understandings of each other. We've had some sharp moments where we've been pretty mean to each other and we've definitely made each other cry before, but I mean... Hey, she's my mom. My dad was constantly working out of town so I grew up with her being a big influence in my life... She's definitely a workaholic but she really wants to get away from it all and own some land. I'd like to see that happen some day but I don't think it's going to happen any time in the near future... As I'm sure you're aware from my last post, I trust my mom a lot and she's sort of my go-to person if I'm having troubles. I've kinda fallen a bit apart with her since we had that talk, but it's nothing I think it's mainly just me thinking pessimistically.

I've talked a lot more with that girl, though Rio (My ex boyfriend whom I still have feelings for) gets pretty jealous about it. He's pretty protective of me even though we're not together which is sweet, but.. I can't really just sit around for years potentially by myself. Regardless if he gets jealous or not I'm sort of the person who needs to have something with someone else. I get pretty... Well, I get depressed and I'm just a cold monotonous unfeeling blank slate. If you met me a year or two ago you would have absolutely no issues with branding me as a robot. Anyways... I still think she's pretty conflicted about her feelings since she's also into another person as well, so it's not going to go anywhere... Aside from this she's leaving for boarding school on the 18th and I might lose all contact with her for an entire year. The person she has feelings for aside from me has a bunch of health problems so I'm sort of worried he's going to flop over dead when she's gone, and I'm going to have to clean up a major mess. Haha, it's pretty terrible that if this had happened a few years earlier I would've been happy if my competition took a dive. I've grown up a lot since then though and have come to respect people quite a bit more... I used to be a pretty big jerk and was fairly paranoid at one point, I still am in a lot of ways but.. I'm a much better person now. I wouldn't even dream to wish myself on anyone back then. That was sort of the phase where I had iunno... Several flop relationships, I stuck my nose in a lot of places where it shouldn't have been and was pretty damn childish!

I've also gotten into contact with an older friend whom I've removed constantly... I used to be pretty aggressive to him and would argue with him to the point where I would simply leave and make sure he couldn't talk to me anymore. We connected a few more times but I kind of fall in depressive slumps and drop all contact so it happened a few times with him. It's kind of silly actually because... Well, it's dumb of me to say it but I was sort of crushing on the guy... Sort of the reason I was so aggressive. Back then, if I was into something I was pretty obtuse about it and would just fight with the person. Haha, kind of a strange way but I sort of felt the need to pretend like I'm this person who's completely disinterested. I've picked up some roleplay that I had with him from a long time ago... He was pretty surprised that I even remembered so many details about it... But how could I forget? I was crushing on the guy and then got really worked up and felt like he had spited me, the details couldn't slip through the cracks because there was no cracks to slip through... I remember everything. Want to hear about dumb arguments? Yeah, we argued about the difference between a bumbag and a fanny-pack, to the point we were swearing at each other. Looking back I can only laugh.

Right now I'm sort of tempted to steal concepts from my friend Rio's blog, he has these logo things I can only assume he created linking other people's blogs and I'm really tempted to make one to link his blog but it seems like an unnecessary amount of work just for some aesthetics. I'm likely to go through with it anyways as I start fleshing this blog out. Anyways, as for that girl I was talking about earlier, you know the one who's 27? I think she hates me now, actually I'm pretty sure she does. Hell, I'm positive she would if she's read my first post where I called her actions pathetic. Anyways, it's kind of sad because I did have legitimate feelings for her at one point and was trying to pursue her romantically (Age difference though, so she didn't bite). Feelings or no feelings though, she was a good friend and it kinda sucks to see those go, especially since who I consider my friend is... Pretty exclusive.

Oh? You'd like me to name them? Well alright, here's my list of friends (In lieu of real-life friends, which I lack... There's people I hang with but.. Ehhh, I wouldn't call them friends). army_guy3, DrStrangEgo (Dale), Fuzzy Wolfy, Hyperiant, Lolikyon!, Robert Fuller, Ryou Takeshi, Scarlet Rose, Shmoo, Kumiko Daichi and RedPandaKrieg. I know I commonly say that I don't have opinions about people until they wrong me... But that's a little white lie, truth is if people ask me I feed them something really blunt. It's sorta none of your business what I think about you... I mean, we're friends right? Just trust me and we'll work out any kinks, jeez.

army_guy3 is a guy I met a long time ago on L4D, he's my oldest friend on Steam and probably the first I really made, we don't really talk to much about personal things but he's a fun guy to be around. I have lots of fun playing games with him and such and he's pretty easygoing. He has a nice sense of humour and can make me laugh pretty easy. I don't hang out with him as much as I used to which is a shame because it's always fun when he's around.

DrStrangEgo... Where to start? I've known this flamboyant homosexual Asian living in Montreal for like... Eight or nine years now. He's an interesting guy.. Pretty absurd and has a whacky sense of humour but I think that's one of the reasons we kind of mesh. He gets pretty down when it comes to relationships and asks me to hurt him, it's kind of cute and I generally end up bitch-slapping him hard enough that he comes to his senses. Negative reinforcement... Yay! He asked for it though, haha... And he knows I'm just saying things to pick him back up on his feet. I'd go as far to say that he's probably my best friend, we're both fucking ridiculous (He calls me fraulein or nature woman) so we make an interesting pair. Good guy, smart guy.. Probably someone who's going to get married and live on a Yacht and teach math classes for rich snobby dickheads.

Fuzzy Wolfy, it seems like I've known you so long. Deja vu much, huh? Anyways... She's not the best person to talk to about your problems since she doesn't exactly have a silver tongue, but to be honest I find she says the right things anyways. I've stopped talking to her about my problems entirely though recently since I generally just end up causing unneeded drama. She's a nice person who has some uhhh... Interesting tastes. :) Someone I wouldn't mind going out of my way for, but at the same time I think we're both the kind of person who can't constantly pester the other twenty four seven without getting annoyed. Taking my friendship in... Doses, used to give her a lot of attention since we played a lot of games together but I've sort of strayed from that.

Hyperiant, hyperiant... Hyperiant. You're so much younger than me and have way less experience with computing than me... But you blow me out of the water! Holy crap! Get a life man! )< Haha, to be honest I wish I knew half as much as him.. I've been learning a lot from him as of late since technology is sort of a passion of mine. He's a nice guy though he's definitely silly. He's a lot of fun to hang out with and I know we can easily rub each other the wrong way so I sort of keep him at arm's length. He's a bit childish but I think that's really my draw on him, he acts so innocent and cute. Maybe I just have a weird definition of cute though, he makes cat-faces and thinks I'm fluffy so I think he's cute. Yeah, definitely a strange definition.

Lolikyon! (Also known as Kyonkyonchan, or by conspiracy theorists as Michael). Want to meet someone who's absolutely over the top? This guy, right here. He's the cutest most perverted yet fluffy and not-perverted robot animu girl you will ever meet. I've known him for ten years and I don't think we've ever parted at any time over the course of those ten years. He's always sort of been my friend and I've always occasionally hung with him. We never really lean on each other but at this point I know he's got my back, I only hope he knows I have his as well. Sweet guy, good sense of humour. I was definitely crushing on him majorly for quite some time but I don't think we're people who have compatibility beyond 'casual'.

Robert Fuller. You sir, are at the brink. This is a guy who I constantly bicker and argue with... We attack each other relentlessly at times and definitely piss each other off more than anything else. Still, I'd like to call him a friend even if he's at the edge of a slippery slope. We both mean well for each other but we both come across pretty strong and are likely to simply beat each other over the head with our ideas than talk about them. Probably why we offend each other so much, it's like "Hey, Robert. Where's the hammer?" and he'd throw it at my face. Mind you I'd do the exact same so it sort of counter balances. We're constantly dropping and picking up contact because of it, but whatever. Nice guy, but just someone I have horrible chemistry with.

Ryou, Ryou, Ryou... If you haven't guessed this is also Rio who is my ex. It's a really confused and fucked up friendship we have going, we're there for each other but we both hurt each other a lot. We're sort of sensitive dolts blindly fumbling about in the dark occasionally butting heads and screaming. Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it... He thinks I'm really adorable but to be honest he's way cuter than I am. He'll never admit it though, he's too much of a guy to do that. Nice guy, caring guy, persistent... Has a good head on his shoulders and a nice sense of humour though he's kind of a lazy butt.

Scarlet Rose, kinda sounds like a chick right? Yeah, Touhou name go figure... How did I meet you? Oh yeah, you said you liked blood and I wondered if you were a Sanguinarian. Good fun! Well, I've helped you out a lot and you've done the same... We're both jerks to each other definitely but I think it's more for amusement than anything. He's a nice guy that was crushing at me at one point I think... I get after him a lot since he's one of my better friends and I want to see him work hard to achieve stuff. Haha, funny that I hate expectations yet I expect so much of him. I made a promise that I'd go on a date with him though if he pulled something off, so I have to keep him around to see if he ever comes around to it. Nice guy who's a lot of fun to hang around with... Though some of his friends are seriously... Ugh.

Shmoo! I don't even know what the fuck to write here. He wants to be a dickbiting headcrab chef when he grows up. That's about all I can say. Good day sir.

Kumiko Daichi. Hey! Asshole, where the fuck are you!? I miss talking to you! This is a guy who... I don't know, he surprises and excites me at the same time.. Haha, he's actually someone I'd seriously consider going out of my way to date, we've got pretty good chemistry. I've helped him out a lot and he's helped me out a lot too... He's someone I can depend on. He will disagree with this, but... He's changed me a lot. He's been a major influence on my life and whether he likes that or not, too bad! He's into some uhhh... Dangerous things, but I don't mind too much. I know that he'll pull through no matter what; even if he wants to think otherwise.

RedPandaKrieg. Yeah, this is the person who's 27. She has grown some strange obsession about black people and.. Iunno, I used to hang out with her a lot but as of late all contact is dropped since she stormed out. It sucks because she's a good person even though she can be childish. Her friends I don't care for too much to be honest, it sounds like she knows a lot of dirt bags. She lives in a shitty neighborhood with lots of crime so I worry a lot. We might have had a fight but she's still my friend you know? Good person, good direction... But a little too black and white. Would probably make a good prosecutor.

Well, there's a little insight on my life and people who are related to me and people who are my friends. My friends I'd say are sort of this disjointed family as well so they fit into the theme of that... I don't really consider blood to be important or some sort of 'special' bond. I'd go as far to say that everyone I've named here is family to me, though in a lot of cases that makes me incestual. Oh well, they're important to me regardless; incest or no incest.

I've wrote a lot by the looks of it and I'd honestly be surprised if anyone read all of this. Really, I'm really surprised if you made it this far and read everything I wrote. I'm tempted to pass around the link to my blog again to show people that I've written again but I mean... I'd rather wait and see if people check it themselves. If they don't, then I guess they miss out on the details I wrote about them. Their loss!

Anyways, I've been listening to this song on repeat the entire time while writing this... It's a guy I found through the AmazingAthiest (He linked him since he did the soundtrack to his documentary) and I really like his style... It's sort of this upbeat downbeat dissonant style. He's a guy from Germany (I presume? I haven't listened to him that long.) and he's a pretty good musician. Haha... I sometimes wish that I had learned to play an instrument. I'm really avid about actually listening to music when people are just sort of playing and really want to pick one up and learn how... But I always find myself quitting because I don't think I sound very good when playing one... Partly due to my sister constantly upstaging me on the piano, followed by my girlfriend doing the same... Seriously, by far the most disheartening thing is when someone gets up and does the same thing fifty times better than you immediately after. It's like... Gee, thanks. You can fuck off now.

Anyways, I'd write more but I've already written too much. Peace.