Deception

Let me start this post off with some good ol' very Asianesque Haiku

What the fuck is this
Say you mean things when you don't.
This not Inception.

So apparently my brother is totally kosher with me and NOTHING WAS EVER WRONG AND WE'RE STILL BUDS. Yeah, I don't know. What the fuck? You tell me you're going to wring my lazy neck and that we're NEVER TALKING EVER AGAIN and then suddenly we're on good terms again? I don't get this, were you just stressing me out for no apparent reason? Apparently my sister (Not the one I live with or whom never talks) was lying about a bunch of things my brother said (go figure) and ugh. I don't know who the fuck I should listen to in my family anymore.

I've been feeling pretty weak lately and I haven't been sleeping appropriately. My schedule is kind of going all over the place since my insomnia is really kicking in right now. I've been kinda flopping over every now and then and passing out on my bed and waking up like... 14-15 hours later. Meh. Doctor still hasn't gotten back to me at all. Not gluten, not dairy. Medication didn't really help... Been a month, still waiting for the specialist to get back to him. Such a load of crap. Haven't been able to get in for a consultation for my wisdom teeth, oh well.

I've been asked if I want to come up to my parent's for thanksgiving. And I mean, what...? It just seems like a bizarre proposal. I don't like going up there any more but I'll probably be dragged into it anyways and posed a thousand uncomfortable questions.... I might not go simply because my neise is going up there, which means I can stay here and be rid of her for awhile... Not to mention that I'd be fucking stuck up there for god knows how long. My neise is a handful to say the least, ughh.... I seriously dislike children. I'm not cut out to be around them and I definitely never want to be a parent.

Quite a few people have been mentioning me, I don't know but I find it kind of strange. Maybe it's just because a lack of having positive light shone on me in public by others? But it's kind of weird and alien... Not to mention embarrassing. I don't mind it though, I'm actually kind of glad to see that I'm important to other people to the extent that they'll make a random mention of me. I don't know, maybe it's just collateral? I make a lot of mentions here as well. Strange world I guess.

Winter is coming so rent is going up, not sure how long I've got to figure out my medical crap before I'm scrambling for money. Otherwise things are good. I'm amongst the company of good friends and such. My relationship is going well, so that's good. I recently looked at my e-mail sent folder and saw a bunch of old e-mails that I kept in there. Very touching and heartfelt ones. It made me think of what fucking jerks some of you people are! Jesus. Let me throw up an excerpt from an old e-mail I have...

"Don't be afraid to do what you think is right.

What you want to do.

Not what anyone else wants you to do.

Do what you truly believe in."

Apparently she believed in cheating on me two-ways like a whore. Neat. Here's another.

"...But I don't mind for I love her dearly
I'll wait for the day I can hold her near me
Despite our hardships that we've been through
I wanted to you to know that I still love you

Please don't beat yourself up sweetheart, I love you."

And whom that was directed to ranks at one of the worst relationships I've had. Kind of sad and poetic really but oh well. Remnants of shittery in the past. I've got someone much more important in the present that I'm concerned with. Despite all this previous bullshit I've found someone I can actually stick with for once. Anyways, here's some music. Just what I'm listening to to be honest. I can't link it normally since it doesn't exist on YouTube but here you go.

http://grooveshark.com/#/s/Sideshow+Tornado/3reaEk?src=5

To make up for a lack of legitimate video music I'm going to toss this up since I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Oh, and apparently I'm too tsundere to describe... Idiot.